Take A Minute

      7 Comments on Take A Minute

I’ve recieved a couple messages asking about a new post. Yes, things are okay. Yes, things are normal. No, we have not gotten a call from our living donor coordinator. Hour to hour. Day to day. Week to week. We simply wait.

I find that I don’t cry out of the blue as often anymore. But, I do cry easily. When something else goes wrong: forgot my purse, need gas when I’m running late, Abby gets thrown during a show, Hb struggling with school. I kinda lose it. Big tears and snot and all. Right when I think I’ve got a handle on things a little bit of something extra pushes me right off that line I was balancing on. Sigh.

Most days are good. We laugh again. We smile. We play with the girls and the dog. But overall I’d say we are tired.

Home dialysis is a chore. Yes! We know we are “so lucky you can do that at home every night.” Lucky indeed! Two of our rooms look like they belong in a hospital. Hearing the cycler transfer dialysate and continuously sould alarms when it can’t – ALL NIGHT LONG. We are super lucky. Ording supplies, being home half a day waiting for deliveries, running to the pharmacy, scheduling appointments, attending appointments, masks, gloves, needles, drugs. We are tired. Not always falling asleep tired. But just drained.

Deep breath. Sometimes I bust out of the house early. The girls are still sleeping. Jamey is still connected to the cycler. And I take a trip to Target. Alone. I sit in the parking lot with my coffee. I text Amanda. She makes me laugh. A lot. And I just take a minute. I soak up the silence. I view the beauty that is Colorado. I’m thankful for the friends that are continuously there for us. The ones we don’t ask anything of – but continuously, week to week, give us what we need. Grabbing Jamey for a business lunch. (Very important meeting I’m sure.) Randomly hugging me even when there is already a smile on my face. Taking two seconds to talk to the girls. Talking to us about anything other than renal failure. Teachers loving our girls – and telling them! Praying for us. I love you so much. I’m so thankful for you. It’s often those little moments in passing at work, at school, at church, in a text message, or our driveway that keep us balancing on that line. Thank you. Thank you so very much! Your actions are noticed and you are appreciated!

7 thoughts on “Take A Minute

  1. Aunt Lee Ann

    Yay a new post, feger.net isnt broken after all!!!! Glad you are all well and sorry it’s still hard and sucks. I wish we were there to help in some other way besides praying wishing things better. Sending love, hugs, n kisses all round.

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  2. Stephanie Meisse

    God doesn’t promise us that we won’t have trouble in this world but He does promise to help us through it if we turn to Him. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10. Continue to trust in Him and you will find the strength and hope you need to endure and conquer this trial! I’m still praying for you James and Meagan!

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  3. Deb G

    Oh how I understand this post. Hang in there, baby. Brighter days are coming. When you reach the other side of this adventure you will have a massive appreciate of the mundane. Praying for moments to find peace and stillness from the chaos. Big love and cyber super squishy hugs!

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